Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
