Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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