he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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