i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize