Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize