No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize