guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
