Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
