I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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