I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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