Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
