i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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