Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize