College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Farmville is her only friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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