I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
