Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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