At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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