I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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