we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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