My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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