This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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