oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
