do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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