Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
