I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
