she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
