She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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