There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
