Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
