The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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