Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
