My first STD was from a foam party
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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