I think my vagina is haunted
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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