i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
