How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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