Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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