So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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