Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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