The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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