I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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