I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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