I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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