I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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