please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
