So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
