well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
