just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When are your genitals available?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
