Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
