There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
