used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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