Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
