he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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