we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We need to get me chipped asap
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
