PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
