I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
