singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
