I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
