Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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