I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
