No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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