sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize