he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
