Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
