She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
