Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
