There was a lot of him and a little penis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
