Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
