cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
