I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
