Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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