it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
