lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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