That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
