remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
pray to the hookup gods
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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