it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
