I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
