Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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